Tag: personal garbage

like a month ago or so i bought a new pillow and bedset for my brother from walmart because he had been complaining about his pillow for months and it was flat as a pancake and his bedset was RIDDLED with huge fucking holes. 

he NEEDED a new pillow and bedset and i fucking KNEW that if i didnt buy it for him right at that moment then he wasnt ever fucking going ton get it for months and months.

it came out to like $58

i gave the receipt to my mom, and asked her to pay me back

guess who still hasnt seen a fucking CENT of that money??

guess what she told me today????

even though she had been saying for a fucking month that she hadnt payed me back because of my DAD and because HE didnt want to pay it turns out she HASNT EVEN FUCKING TOLD HIM ABOUT IT and HAS NO FUCKING PLANS TO

fucking bitch siting here tryin g to guilt me because oh im going to have to pay out of MY money for this my life is so hardddd like it isnt fucking completely her own fault since she doesnt even fucking want to MENTION it to him

and then she fucking goes on to say how she doesnt even HAVE to pay me back she’s doing it out of the kindness of her own goddamn heart. because i HAD to ask her first. before i bought something for my BROTHER. that he NEEDED.

?????????????????

really????

if i hadnt bought it for him right then and there he would still be fucking sitting here with his tattered ass sheets and his pillow that was fucking killing his neck but yeah im fucking terrible because i shouldnt of assumed my parents were going to pay me back for something that my brother fucking NEEDED

and then she goes on to say how HE should of bought it himself because he should have been working all this time and he’s been spending the money he got from working before on video games and anime figures

like bitch its a NECESSITY you should be fucking paying for the things YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN NEED. if you are going to fucking treat us like fucking tiny babies whos opinions dont mean shit and have to follow your every command then you should at fucking LEAST be buying us  fucking NECESSITIES. either you treat us like adults or you fucking dont you cant have it both ways you fucking soulless bitch

i am just sooooooooooooooooo fucking upset like realllllyyyy????????

i just fucking want parents who DONT treat me like absolute trash and make my depression infinitely worse and ACTUALLY FUCKING SUPPORT ME

like all the fucking adults in my life need to shut the fuck up about how “your parents love you” and “they’re good parents!” like shut your goddamn mouth you have no fucking idea what your talking about i am TIRED of fucking being told my parents aren’t terrible and emotionally abusive when they fucking ARE so you can slam dunk your shitty opinion into the fucking trashcan go fuck yourself 

so today i got called “spoiled” for complaining about my college situation to a friend.

i am mad. i am too sad and tired to be furious but i am mad. 

the people who are supposed to support and help me continue to make me feel like absolute trash on a regular basis. 

i feel so disappointed with everything. I already have to try to shut my brain makes everything feel awful and tells me that suicide is a valid option WITHOUT having the people i care about shit all over me. but no matter how much effort and love i try to put toward my real life relationships all i get back is pain and disappointment. 

my brother doesnt love me. my “friends” dont love me. my father is a stranger and my mom loves him more than me and cares more about always playing the victim and being right than how her actions affect me. 

i am CONSISTENTLY ridiculed for all of my interests or passions and i am just so so tired of it.

there was a time during the summer when when i thought of the people who i could count as real friends the ONLY people i could think of were Jenny and Pi. Thats it.

a few days ago i had to fantasize about being able to be around Jenny to keep from wanting to kill myself. thinking about being around one of the few people who i feel like actually cares about me. just getting to hug her or build a pillow fort with her or do something dumb. 

i am tired. i am just so fucking tired. of being belittled and insulted and made fun of and treated like garbage. 

i dont even know what im supposed to do at this point. i dont know how to make thing better.

my head hurts and my nose is clogged from crying and i feel nauseous and i just wished that there was something i could do to make the people who i know irl stop doing this to me and i just dont know how

i am tired.

im so frustrated i want to cry.

my mom just came in and told me she’s going to start turning off the internet at 10 instead of 11.

this stresses me out so much i feel SICK. i fucking HATE being controlled for no reason and we’re just being arbitrarily punished for no reason. why would you just take away an hour randomly if we’re not being punished?????

I just fucking hate this so much being able to talk to my friends online or distract myself with pretty dragons is one of the few things that keeps me sane and makes me happy these days. otherwise i feel miserable.

and then they just come in and decide that they’re going to fuck me over for no reason? i didnt even do anything wrong!

they pull this shit ALL the time and it just makes me feeel so so horrible because no matter what i say they never LISTEN and its like fighting with a wall. a wall that slowly takes away everything you love and treats you like a fUCKING CHILD. 

i am literally crying right now and i know it sounds so silly and if they saw me like this now it would just be “proof” that im “obsessed” with the internet but the thought of the internet turning off at 10 because my parents RANDOMLY decided they felt like it makes me physically ill

i sure do wish that EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION i have with my mother didn’t have to turn into “my life is so stressful! why dont you help more around the house? why are you such a lazy bum when i work so hard?!”

like. dude. i all i fucking did was mention that my wisdom teeth are coming in and im going to need to get them removed because there isn’t any room in my mouth and they are fucking sideways. 

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT. 

you guilt me when i need new glasses and you guilted me when i needed braces and now you guilt me when i need to get my teeth removed?

THE DENTIST TOLD YOU I NEED THIS. THERE IS NO WAY I WILL GET BY WITHOUT HAVING THEM REMOVED. THIS IS NECESSARY.  

like i don’t even know what im supposed to say to you????? sorry my teeth are growing in???? sorry you hate your job even though you’ve had chances to get a different one?????

like…..i KNOW how much you guys make. i had to put it in when i was submitting my fafsa papers…

we aree not living paycheck to paycheck and we have health insurance there is no reason for you to be such a bitch about a MEDICAL ISSUE that i have NO CONTROL OVER

????????

one of the things that pisses me off the most about my parents is their utter refusal to do little things for me

it really tells me something about how much they value my happiness when they wont take 5 minutes out of their day to accommodate for my wants or needs.

ex. i want to make cookies and or brownies. but its raining/dark out today. so i asked first my mom and then my dad if they could drive me to the store (which is only a few minutes away) so that i could pick up ingredients. they both said no because they are too tired/busy.

this wouldn’t be a problem except that they are ALWAYS tired/ busy. I literally CANNOT remember the last time one of them drove me somewhere when i asked. I understand that they cant always take me places but it just really pisses me off when they decide that their lives are SO FUCKING BUSY they cant take 5 minutes out of their day once in a fucking while to do something for me. 

its not like we’re living paycheck to paycheck and they’re struggling with multiple jobs. We’re a pretty average middle class family as far as income goes. they have NO reason to be so busy that me asking them to drive me to the supper market ONCE in like a fucking MONTH should be such a difficult thing for them.

but they are never going to take me to the supermarket because they will ALWAYS be able to find something that they’d rather do than do something for me.

i just feel like im not asking for a lot and i KNOW that it sounds dumb from an outside perspective but when you live your entire life with parents that constantly reaffirm that anything that you might want is dumb and unimportant you start to notice it. If i try to complain to my friends or family then i sound like im making a big deal over nothing but its not about the fucking super market.

its about the fact that my needs do not matter to them. and they never have. 

i am fucking LIVID right now

my fucking mother thinks that just because she;s my mother she can treat me like garbage.

She says that i have to fucking sit here and listen to her while she fucking shits all over me.

i cannot FUCKING believe this she is such a fucking CLOSED MINDED CHILDISH BITCH.

like are you fucking kidding me?????????????

i was trying to talk to her and she liotteraly interuppted me in the MIDDLE of a SENTACE and apparently im suppose3d to fucking stiop talking and listen to her because “shes the mom and you have to respect your parents!!!!”

??????
FUCK THAT

i dont care if you’re the fucking pope if you dont treat me with basic human decency im not going to listen to you!!!!

its not resonable to ask me to syop talking and listen to you when YOU were the one who interepted ME in the first place??????

like??????

why is this so hard to understand?????!!!!?????

it doesnt matter whop you are!!!
you are supposed to at the very least treat people with respect!!

im not asking you to bow down and kiss my feet!

all im fucking asking is that you at least LET ME FINISH MY SENTANCE and dont fucking stand there ROLLING YOUR EYES AT ME like i cant fucking see you!!!

also good job fucking shitting all over me and my fucking lifestyle you bitch

apparently anyone who gets pissed if they lose a game is a “Loser”

??????????

if you’re playing soccer, and you lose a soccer game because one of your team members stop playing in the middle of the game you would be completely justified!!!!!

but apparently if you lose a League game because one of you teammates went afk (because their fucking mom DEMANDED that they drop what they’re doing RIGHT NOW and go help her with something stupid and NOT TIME SENSITIVE) then you are a loser and this generation has failed and we all suck??????????????

THAT’S NOT REASONABLE

“oh but parents support their kids in sports because its healthy!!!”

thats bullshit and we all know it. by the time you hit the highschool/college level a LOT of sports can and do cause serious injury to their players. Parents and children arent worried about health at that point its about prestige lets not fucking play here.

“but parents drive their kids to practice and to games so they know when they are! they arent just playing 24/7!! so you should choose a certain time and then just play then!”

this is retarded on so many levels. FIRST: most people who play sports do in fact practice for HOURS during the season. SECOND: people don’t play video games 24/7 either????????? THIRD: It would not make sense to set a specific time to play video games because they are supposed to be for fun??? and scheduling makes it routine and boring and some people HATE routine.FOURTH: if you play with FRIENDS which most people DO then it makes even less sense to schedule it because not everyone is going to want or be able to play at that specific time. 

in conclusion. FUCK YOU.

also how DARE you fucking tell me that im not succeeding with my life because of video games. and that im addicted to them and put them before my responsibilities!

“i bet Amanda takes her education very seriously and doesn’t play games until after she’s done her homework!”

first of all you’ve met Amdanda like twice you dont fucking know that. second of all I GRADUATED WITH A 3.9 YOU DUMB BITCH! CLEARLY I WASNT LETTING VIDEO GAMES COME BEFORE MY RESPONSIBILITIES EITHER!

“but i dont think you played as many video games then!" 
I PLAYED MORE VIDEO GAMES THEN YOU ARE FULL OF SO MUCH SHIT

I DON’T EVEN PLAY VIDEO GAMES THAT OFTEN WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO INSULT ME?????????????????????

also you dumb fucking broad. saying that i draw too much is fucking retarded. im sorry that i enjoy things????? and have passions?????

unlike your boring saggy assed white bread self??????

OH NO MY DAUGHTER HAS A PASSION SHE’S TAKING THIS TO EXCESS YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY AND JUST WALLOW IN YOUR MISERY INSTEAD.

ALSO BECAUSE IM THE LEAST SUPPOSRTIVE PERSON ON THE PLANET IM NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY YOU WANT TO GO INTO MEDICINE INSTEAD I WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU SHOULD GET A DIFFERENT DEGREE THAT YOU DONT WANT THAT WILL MAKE YOU MONEY SOONER BECAUSE WE DONT BELIVE IN YOU

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE NEVER SUPPORT YOU??? OF COURSE WE DO THATS WHY WE TRY TO TAKE EVERYTHING YOU LOVE FROM YOU AND TELL YOU YOU’RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH TO MODEL AND YOU’LL STARVE IF YOU BECOME AN ARTIST AND ALSO YOU SMELL BAD AND YOUR HAIR IS UGLY(im not even joking about those last too she has fucking said that to me)

its REAL FUCKING HILARIOUS to me that they say how video games and spending too much time on the computer are ruining my life when i would probably be dead without them???????

like without my internet friends over the years i would have probably litteraly run away and been raped/killed or i would have killed myself.

like ok buddy thats real fucking cool but yeah totally im ruining my life by playing too many games and spending too long online i totally believe you

like is it even fucking possible to have a converstaion with you without you insulting me and my life and my friends and my interests 3000 times before the conversation is through and disrespecting the hell out of me because "im your mother!!!”

giving birth to me alone is not a strong enough basis for me to respect you when you treat me like garbage 99% of the time

it doesnt matter if you love me and are trying to do what you think is best what you think is best is WRONG and your love for me does not excuse the abuse that you have put me through.

i feel so fucking terrible

my brothers car slid on a patch of ice and hit a telephone pole. He’s fine but his car was totaled. 

My mom was really freaked out and worried for him and my dad (who isnt his dad) is being such an asshole he says that he cant keep the car here for even a day and he made my mom cry and he’s just being terrible. 

I fucking cant stand my dad he’s such an asshole. people always tell me that i should love him because he’s my dad and that he’s not a bad father but he is, he’s a terrible father and a terrible person on top of that.

i am so so so stressed right now and i know that my mom is even worse and im just so scared because i dont want my mom to be so stressed like this.

even if we fight a lot im scared for her and i wish that i could make her happy.

i feel so fucking gross and everything is just terrible and i cant even try to talk to my dad because he’s a fucking asshole and he wont listen to me at all

i hate this fucking house and i hate this fucking family and i hate that theres nothing i can do to fix things.

i wish my mom had just gone through with the fucking divorce i think all our lives would be 10,000 times better if she did

god i dont even like my brother that much but my dad is being so terrible im just so fucking upset 

his wife’s son just got in a fucking car crash i dont know how he can be so fucking heartless

I AM SO PISSED

my fucking piece of shit brother came in and fucking told me that im stupid for only applying to one school when he did the exact same thing for a harder school and how im probably not going to get accepted and if i do its only because of the essay he wrote for me

this fucking guy cant get into medschool because he pissed around when he was in college and now he has the fucking balls to act like he’s some fucking academic god 

I GRADUATED WITH A 3.9

I GOT GREAT GRADES ON MY SATS

the only POSSIBLE thing that i did that could be considered wrong is that i decided to take a year off but this fucking asshole thinks he can come in and tell me that im fucking stupid

dude how is you ONLY applying to Collumbia not as bad as me only applying to Rutgers????

“because i knew that i could get in”

WELL GUESS WHAT I FUCKING KNOW THAT I CAN GET INTO RUTGERS

SUCK MY DICK

and then to make matters worse my other brother asked me what my GPA was and when i told him i got a 3.9 he was like “how did you manage that i thought you were failing classes left and right”

!!!!!

IVE NEVER FUCKING FAILED A CLASS IN MY LIFE I FUCKING SMOKED THAT SHIT

THERE ARE SO FEW THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF MORE THAN PEOPLE QUESTIONING MY INTELLIGENCE

I AM FUCKING SMART DO NOT FUCKING EVEN TRY ME

ive been more miserable this year than i have been probably ever in my life

which is saying something considering i was bullied so much in the third grade my teacher invited me to hang out with her and eat lunch in the classroom instead of in the cafeteria.