i go to sleep and dream of five rivers.
i walk in silence, pass by foolish lovers,
one fated to trust falsely, the other falsely
believing in the generosity of Death.
i choose not to forget. i choose
to mourn in silence, choose
not to lament. (the ferryman is far
behind me. two copper pieces no longer
sit heavy on my tongue.) i walk in shade
and watch a man at an impossible task.
i walk in shade over the rumblings
of dead gods. the earth is hot to my feet
in the places under which they slumber.
i pass through flames and think, regret
is not a fog. regret is the burned husk
of a fire with nowhere to go. a river of fire
captive in the soul, that leaves
black skeletons and charred wood
where ambition should have burned.
at last, i make a vow. (the last one
i can never break.) i have followed
into silence. i have followed into doubt.
a god could not turn back now.
when a mother dipped her son into
these waters, she did so out of love.
so i follow her example. i cannot be
made invulnerable when there is nothing
left. i have followed you to Hades, love.
i’ve followed you to death.