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The following is shared with permission.

i read this on Kinky and Popular on Fetlife and loved it so much, i contacted the author, _Nai_, and requested to share it here. She graciously agreed.

i’ve read several articles recently on the topic, and _Nai_ covers it well. If Y/you’ve already considered these things and made choices that work for Y/you then wonderful. If not, then please read, this is for Y/you.

Thank Y/you,

~sandi

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Thoughts on Body Fluids and Sharing Toys

So. Let me start this by stating I have OCD, and the concept of contamination is near and dear to my obsessive little heart. That being said, I don’t think that being hyper aware of body fluid transfer is a bad thing in our community where safer sex should be a priority.

I know that not everyone thinks at this level of vigilance. I know that a lot of you are going to label this as over reacting. And maybe it is me erring on the side of extreme caution. But I only get one go at this life, and I really don’t want to end up with a STI or STD that impacts my future self. I’ve been lucky thus far to have not contracted and STI/STD. I want to keep it that way.

If you’re level of RACK or safer sex doesn’t match mine, that’s fine. But at least acknowledge that you are playing at a higher level of risk then I do, and own that. It’s not bad if you and your partners are aware of it, it’s your choice. But be open and honest about your toy sharing practices with all your partners, for everyone’s safety.

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When I first started into BDSM, I did a lot of reading. I tried to be safe to the best of my knowledge. Looking back, I realize now that I wasn’t as safe as I could have been. And it makes me feel kinda … lucky. Now, as I read more about disease transmission and watch more and more people play with multiple partners, I’m beginning to increase my safety bar, and wonder if there are others out there who have thought about the same things as me.

So you’re at a party. You’re single, or your top isn’t with you, or your bottom isn’t, and you want to play. What safety precautions do you take? As a top, do you ask the bottom if they have a toy bag? Do you only play with easily sterilized toys if they don’t? As a bottom, do you ask if the toy you are going to be hit with has drawn blood, or lymph? Been in contact with genitals?

When it comes to BDSM play, do you think about where the toy that is striking you has been? Or who the rope that’s tying you has been on? Or how to best sterilize that sexy leather strap on harness as you switch sexual partners?

Take rope for instance. Body harnesses are sexy, right? And quite a few of us love a good crotch rope. But how many people stop and ask the rope top they are playing with for the first time (or the tenth) if it’s new, virgin rope, or if it’s been cleaned in say, a washing machine on steam setting? How many people’s bits has that rope been between while the wearer is wonderfully brought to arousal? And now where is that rope going on you? Right now, hemp and jute and other organic rope is quite popular, I know I love it, but how many people think about the risks associated with sharing rope with multiple people in one night? Or weekend? Have you ever considered the transfer of genital body fluids to you from previous tied bottoms? Rope tops, do you wash your rope between partners? Have different sets of rope for different bottoms throughout the night?

I’ve watched a top cycle through 5 people, yep, FIVE brand new, never played with them before people and use the same rope. And only two of those people were clothed to any sort of skin covering degree, and two were in thongs. And the rope was nestled firmly square between their legs. And as they switched from bottom to bottom, the rope was never changed out for clean rope, and it was never brought up that it had been used intimately on others before the tying began.

Another practice that pushes my discomfort buttons now that I’ve attended a few workshops and done some reading is shared floggers. Floggers aren’t “use on everyone toys” no matter WHAT some people like to believe. Break a pimple on someones back and poof! That toy is now fluid bonded to that bottom, and I firmly believe it should be. The falls have come in contact with lymph and it has the same risk of transmitting blood born pathogens as actual blood. HIV, Hep C and other diseases are carried in the clear liquid that is brought through the surface of the skin (like when you scrape your knee or abrade the skin and it doesn’t bleed but seeps fluid).

Other points to consider: Rubbing a crop between someones labia fluid bonds that crop to that bottom. Cum on a toy or rope? Precum? Also fluid bonded.

Dildo harnesses are also lost in the cleaning regime. I know of someone who had never considered they had to clean and sanitize their synthetic harness between partners. That harness is in direct contact with someone else’s genitals, even if the dildo itself has a condom on it. And you wouldn’t dream of using a used and uncleaned dildo on a new partner, so why would you risk using a dirty harness? As for leather harnesses … there is no fool proof way to sterilize leather. So do you leave that harness to rest for a month or two to be safe before using it on another partner? I have a completely synthetic harness for this reason. When I was single, I wanted to be able to wash and sterilize my harness if I was going to be sexually active with someone for their protection. It saddens me, because I do LOVE a good leather harness but it wasn’t worth the risk for me or my potential partners.

I believe that as a top you have the responsibility to make sure that your toys are clean, sanitary, and safe to use on people. And a responsibility to inform others that the toys you use aren’t sanitized if they aren’t.

I also believe as a bottom you have a responsibility to protect yourself. Don’t rely on a top to tell you everything. Ask about the toys to be used on you. Or better yet, build your own bottom bag and have the top use your toys and rope and the like for maximum safety. You only get one body. Protect it.

Useful Links on Safer Kinky Sex and Cleaning of Toys and Rope:

Rope Care and Cleaning: http://mauikink.com/hempropefaq.htm

Rope Care and Cleaning 2: http://www.knottykink.com/ropemaintenance.html

Safer Kinky Sex by the Aids Committee of Toronto: http://www.actoronto.org/bdsm#%5B%3Cdiv%20class%3D%…

Writing on Sterilization and Cleaning of Metal Toys: https://fetlife.com/users/1295095/posts/1138741

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Thanks for reading E/everyone, and thank you again _Nai_ for allowing me to share your writing here. 🙂

~sandi