Tag: anger

my depression has been really bad lately but it hasn’t even been manifesting as sadness which I feel like would be easier to deal with its manifesting simultaneously as listlessness and an insistent maddening /anger/

I feel like it’s a physical sensation in my chest and it just makes me want to take out all of this aggressive violent energy on something. I just want to bite and scream and scratch the shit out of someone and break something but I can’t do that because I’m not a fucking toddler and you’re not allowed to have a temper tantrum at 20. and anyway no one deserves to deal with that shit just bc my brain is having a bad time.

I just want it to go away and I want to be a better kinder person but I’m not. I’m fucking angry and violent and I have no fucking outlet for it right now and it’s just getting worse.

mistersaturn123:

cpt-glasses:

angel-macabre:

“jealousy is so disgusting” “anger is so toxic” did u know? these are emotions every human has

I’ve always been a fan of an analogy I heard once. Your emotions are like one of the lights on your car’s dash. When one of them turns on, it means you need to check under the hood and fix them. It’s not bad that the light turned on, per se, and it doesn’t always mean something is broken. But what IS toxic, dangerous, and likely to break something, is when you let that light stay on, pretending it’s normal, until that braking fluid finally fails and you crash into someone, or your engine fails completely.

Feel jealous. Feel anger. 

Just don’t let it fester. You need to look inside of yourself, find out why you’re feeling the way you are, and bring yourself to a satisfied, stable state of mind. You can look at philosophy, meditation/introspection, religion, or actual therapy, or at least talking to someone about it. You’ll find you’re much more content and happy when you do something about those feelings, and come to some sort of conclusion or resolution.

That is a  wonderful way of looking at it, thankyou. Makes me feel better about myself when I DO feel that way.

I feel like a critical flaw with these arguments though is like….I don’t think most people realize. But a lot of people who spent the majority of their childhood being abused are always. angry.

I’ve discussed this with a few people before and they seem to collaborate my theory but like.

I’m always angry. always.

It’s an undercurrent. it’s not like the side effects are always at the surface. And I’ve taught myself to put it aside, to still be able to have fun and get on with my life.

but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m literally always going to be angry and at any moment I can stop pushing it down and be livid again.

but guess what? that’s not my fault. and I don’t think I’m a toxic person because of it. I can still be a good friend! All it means is that my friends have to understand that if I start talking about something that upsets me I’m likely going to go on a rant because I have so much pressure always built up.

a “normal” person might be able to turn off that dash light, but I feel like people need to understand that abuse victims and people with certain disabilities sometimes CANT.

i am fucking LIVID right now

my fucking mother thinks that just because she;s my mother she can treat me like garbage.

She says that i have to fucking sit here and listen to her while she fucking shits all over me.

i cannot FUCKING believe this she is such a fucking CLOSED MINDED CHILDISH BITCH.

like are you fucking kidding me?????????????

i was trying to talk to her and she liotteraly interuppted me in the MIDDLE of a SENTACE and apparently im suppose3d to fucking stiop talking and listen to her because “shes the mom and you have to respect your parents!!!!”

??????
FUCK THAT

i dont care if you’re the fucking pope if you dont treat me with basic human decency im not going to listen to you!!!!

its not resonable to ask me to syop talking and listen to you when YOU were the one who interepted ME in the first place??????

like??????

why is this so hard to understand?????!!!!?????

it doesnt matter whop you are!!!
you are supposed to at the very least treat people with respect!!

im not asking you to bow down and kiss my feet!

all im fucking asking is that you at least LET ME FINISH MY SENTANCE and dont fucking stand there ROLLING YOUR EYES AT ME like i cant fucking see you!!!

also good job fucking shitting all over me and my fucking lifestyle you bitch

apparently anyone who gets pissed if they lose a game is a “Loser”

??????????

if you’re playing soccer, and you lose a soccer game because one of your team members stop playing in the middle of the game you would be completely justified!!!!!

but apparently if you lose a League game because one of you teammates went afk (because their fucking mom DEMANDED that they drop what they’re doing RIGHT NOW and go help her with something stupid and NOT TIME SENSITIVE) then you are a loser and this generation has failed and we all suck??????????????

THAT’S NOT REASONABLE

“oh but parents support their kids in sports because its healthy!!!”

thats bullshit and we all know it. by the time you hit the highschool/college level a LOT of sports can and do cause serious injury to their players. Parents and children arent worried about health at that point its about prestige lets not fucking play here.

“but parents drive their kids to practice and to games so they know when they are! they arent just playing 24/7!! so you should choose a certain time and then just play then!”

this is retarded on so many levels. FIRST: most people who play sports do in fact practice for HOURS during the season. SECOND: people don’t play video games 24/7 either????????? THIRD: It would not make sense to set a specific time to play video games because they are supposed to be for fun??? and scheduling makes it routine and boring and some people HATE routine.FOURTH: if you play with FRIENDS which most people DO then it makes even less sense to schedule it because not everyone is going to want or be able to play at that specific time. 

in conclusion. FUCK YOU.

also how DARE you fucking tell me that im not succeeding with my life because of video games. and that im addicted to them and put them before my responsibilities!

“i bet Amanda takes her education very seriously and doesn’t play games until after she’s done her homework!”

first of all you’ve met Amdanda like twice you dont fucking know that. second of all I GRADUATED WITH A 3.9 YOU DUMB BITCH! CLEARLY I WASNT LETTING VIDEO GAMES COME BEFORE MY RESPONSIBILITIES EITHER!

“but i dont think you played as many video games then!" 
I PLAYED MORE VIDEO GAMES THEN YOU ARE FULL OF SO MUCH SHIT

I DON’T EVEN PLAY VIDEO GAMES THAT OFTEN WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO INSULT ME?????????????????????

also you dumb fucking broad. saying that i draw too much is fucking retarded. im sorry that i enjoy things????? and have passions?????

unlike your boring saggy assed white bread self??????

OH NO MY DAUGHTER HAS A PASSION SHE’S TAKING THIS TO EXCESS YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY AND JUST WALLOW IN YOUR MISERY INSTEAD.

ALSO BECAUSE IM THE LEAST SUPPOSRTIVE PERSON ON THE PLANET IM NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY YOU WANT TO GO INTO MEDICINE INSTEAD I WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU SHOULD GET A DIFFERENT DEGREE THAT YOU DONT WANT THAT WILL MAKE YOU MONEY SOONER BECAUSE WE DONT BELIVE IN YOU

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE NEVER SUPPORT YOU??? OF COURSE WE DO THATS WHY WE TRY TO TAKE EVERYTHING YOU LOVE FROM YOU AND TELL YOU YOU’RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH TO MODEL AND YOU’LL STARVE IF YOU BECOME AN ARTIST AND ALSO YOU SMELL BAD AND YOUR HAIR IS UGLY(im not even joking about those last too she has fucking said that to me)

its REAL FUCKING HILARIOUS to me that they say how video games and spending too much time on the computer are ruining my life when i would probably be dead without them???????

like without my internet friends over the years i would have probably litteraly run away and been raped/killed or i would have killed myself.

like ok buddy thats real fucking cool but yeah totally im ruining my life by playing too many games and spending too long online i totally believe you

like is it even fucking possible to have a converstaion with you without you insulting me and my life and my friends and my interests 3000 times before the conversation is through and disrespecting the hell out of me because "im your mother!!!”

giving birth to me alone is not a strong enough basis for me to respect you when you treat me like garbage 99% of the time

it doesnt matter if you love me and are trying to do what you think is best what you think is best is WRONG and your love for me does not excuse the abuse that you have put me through.

i finally get to be on tumblr again for a little bit while using my brother’s computer (still cant draw though because he doesnt have my art programs installed) but i caNT ENJOY IT

becaUSE OUR FRIEND INVITED HIMSELF OVER AND IS SNORING LOUDLY NEXT TO ME OON MY BROTHERS BED