kinomatika:

ssssoooo juuuuust a little bit of an update haha um

my financial situation isn’t any better

here’s the breakdown

monthly phone bill: 130$
tax payment: 50$
car insurance: 70$
petcare: 70$
gas: 50-70$ per week
other various bills: 90$

total credit card debt: $1315, of which i have to pay off half in the next two months due to a settlement agreement.

so in total, to get by every month without falling behind, I need 500$. I have, in total in my bank account right now almost nothing.

I uhhh don’t really know what the fuck to do. I’m terrified and panicked because this is awful and I hate it and I feel fucking pathetic as hell to have to keep asking money and I hate that I haven’t been drawing but like

the stress of having no money is adding to my inability to draw and instead of not cracking under pressure i am absolutely crumbling to pieces and i am back to sleeping like 18-20 hours a day because my fucked up brain can’t function.

I called the Illinois DHS today to try and figure out if I can reapply for food stamps but they just gave me a lot of confusing info that led to me finding out that if I do reapply for food stamps, I’ll have to update my address which will lead to the stoppage of my medical coverage and require me to reapply to BCBSIL, if they even contract with the county I currently live in, OR, choose a new provider if they’re available.

so basically I’m fucking losing my mind. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get a regular 9-5 job until roach figures out their transportation to and from the city because originally I was supposed to drive them to their welding training but because my car sucks gas it’s costing like 50$ a week IF gas prices are low and neither of us can afford that and they only get a 25$ gas card per week.

so I’m like, floundering here! I don’t know what to do.

I fucking hate hate hate hate HATE asking for help but I am beyond desperate at this point. I wish I wasn’t like this, I wish I was still functional and working but I’m not, and I can’t even get fucking SSI because I don’t qualify for it.

so I guess I’m asking for help again.

I want to get a normal 9-5 job after things settle a little more because I can’t stand this uncertainty anymore and I’m sick of fucking having to reach out and beg to keep my life going.

nerosfishbowl at gmail dot com is my paypal

please please please share this, I’m like on the verge of tears as I write this and i’m desperately ashamed but i like straight up don’t know what the fuck else to do.